Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Do you want to be a TOP? ... Advice for newcomers...

I get this questions a lot and just the other day a friend wrote about it. So i thought it was a good thing to share.


Written by Coltan H .:

A friend recently asked if I had any information for new tops to help them break into the fisting world successfully. I quickly jotted these down. The list is not comprehensive. Managing communication and managing shit are absent from this list (I wrote about these things in other articles), but just as important as the following items.

Assumptions of Virgin Tops That Culminate in Failure

If you have never bottomed nor topped in a fisting session, you should adjust your mindset to ensure your first encounter won't be your last. Here are ten common assumptions that will detrimentally affect your experience and terminate a session prematurely.


1. Assuming the top is in control of the session.

This assumption is usually manifest by the choice of words used by virgin tops, as well as their attitude toward bottoms who offer any type of instruction or advice to them.

Fisting is substantially more dangerous than fucking and failure to follow basic standards can render a bottom out of commission for months. If you feel frustrated that the bottom is acting like the top, or that he refuses to offer his hole up for your gratification over his, then fisting isn’t for you. The bottom is always in control, even in situations where he identifies as the submissive partner. Remove frankly, bottom and submissive are not synonymous in fisting.


2. Assuming that fisting is primarily a BDSM activity.

In a recent survey, less than five percent of participants identified fisting as a BDSM activity. When broken down into the categories of Bondage / Discipline, Dominance / Submission, Sadsim / Masochism, and None of the Above, less than 1% classified fisting as a sado-masochistic relationship. The other two categories (BD and DS) garnered less than 5% each. In fact, the poll allowed respondents to choose more than one answer and ninety-five percent responded that fisting was None of the Above. The remaining 5 percent chose multiple definitions from the remaining three options.


3. Assuming lube application is comparable to fucking.

A dollop or lube in completely unacceptable. It’s not like applying hand lotion. Once finished with your initial lube application, lube should be dripping from both your hand and his crack. Expect to use at least 125 ml or half a cup, if not more during the session. Reapply often. If the bottom asks for more lube, you've failed as a top.


4. Assuming a manicure is needed or is sufficient for fisting.

A manicure will leave a few millimeters of the distal (or far edge) of the nail in tact. This allows you the ability to scratch and claw things if necessary. For fisting, this is unacceptable. If you can open a soda can with your nail, it's too long. Trimming as close as possible to the finger and filing off the edges is necessary.

Pro-tip: If you want to make your bottom happier, apply lotion at least two hours prior to the start of the session. This will soften your hands and decrease drag when entering his hole.


5. Assuming fisting is similar to porn.

Very few bottoms can take a fist like it's done in porn. There are hours of footage that never leave the editing room floor that mask the true nature of fisting. This includes things such as false starts, slow starts, bottoms providing instruction, warm up periods, breaks, clean outs and bloopers. Fisting porn really divorces communication from fisting. Communication is sloppy and boring to watch on film, but an absolute necessity – especially during your first session.


6. Assuming all holes and all bottoms are the same.

A majority of bottoms enjoy shallow play that may eventually culminate in punches. Most holes last less than an hour before exhaustion. Some holes require little warmup while others take 10 to 15 minutes of fingering and massage before a fist is able to pass the first ring. It’s best to ask in advance if there are any tips or tricks to the bottom’s hole. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of good technique to do so.

Some bottoms may want punching. Some may want depth. Some want doubles. Some are quiet. Some are noisy. Some offer more coaching and instruction. Some go with the flow. As previously mentioned, it’s best to ask in advance what the bottom is looking for in the session.


7. Assuming the bottom knows what is happening inside and outside his hole.

A bottom can feel your hand and wrist at the first ring. Anything deeper provides less sensation. Within the rectum, only pressure or temperature are available to him. He cannot tell what position your hand is in, and if blindfolded and deprived of other senses, it may be difficult for him to tell how deep you are.

Injuries happen with narrow pointy things, such as fingers catch the intestine in an unexpected way, OR when blunt objects, such as a closed fist, force their way into uncharted territory. Simply put, a bottom does not know the shape or position of your hand inside your hole and thus, cannot tell you that you are doing it wrong. Communication is key.

Note: He may sense something is 'off', but without communication, he won't know what that is.


8. Assuming that minor details don't matter.

A key tip to a successful fisting is making sure the bottom is 100% comfortable. Temperature, lighting, position, cleanliness, scents, music, nails, banter, and attitude can make a big difference in the outcome of the session. Ignoring these details is a recipe for failure.


9. Assuming timing and synchronization is irrelevant.

Timing is critical. The bottom and his hole dictates the pace of the session. Forcing a fingers or hand in when the bottom isn’t ready yet will cause the hole to close up. Virgins have not developed the ability to read the signals about a hole and will need coaching from the bottom. Once the hole is open, three mistakes are common: failing to take advantage of queues from the hole; failing to coordinate movement with the respiration of the bottom; and missing the opportunities provided by popper-inhalation. To a virgin top, these mistakes seem trivial. To a bottom, they serve as irritants that hamper the productivity and pleasure of a session.


SUMMARY

As a virgin or novice top, you should expect a lot of coaching and should not be afraid or embarrassed to ask questions. Trim your nails, be courteous, follow your bottom’s lead.


Me editing:

NO DRUGS as a TOP, 

Trim your nails, be courteous, listen or let yourself guide (natural Fisters will know what to do, I did :-)).

Putting a hand in an ass is NOT fisting.

So while I am 99% think this is well summoned, this is the advice given for a newbie that is going to meet up with a passive guy.

My advice is if you really want to learn to be a good TOP then ask another TOP to guide you. Over the years I trained a lot of guys and it worked well, including me, 40 years ago a TOP learned me all.

Of course not all of us want to be teachers all the time ...


And not all will be TOPS, if you want to learn it because "it is a thing to do now, otherwise i am not in", FORGET IT

If you get hard by thinking of fisting a guy or looking at a session and get excited then go for it.

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